Don’t Care Days

This week, someone I trust … someone who’s qualified to render an opinion … told me that she thought it might be a good idea for me to try taking an antidepressant.  No, she didn’t just offer her opinion out of the blue … I asked because I was having a Don’t-Give-A-Damn-Day in the middle of a Don’t-Care-Much-Month and I’ve been told by a friend who’s dealt with depression that, Depression isn’t being sad, it’s not caring about anything.   When I told Muri, she said that I’ve been a grumpy for about two months now.  Hmmm.  She’s right.   I went back and found a post titled  The Dark Side dated October 10th which talked about a spiritual approach to dealing with the darker aspects of life.   On November 11, I posted about that feeling of boredom, lethargy, or general dissatisfaction known as The Blahs.  In The Blahs, I offered a number of ways I try to improve my mood, including Morning Pages, walks in the park, gratitude lists and calls to friends.  I know that I’m high-maintenance but it’s always been self-maintenance … I have to put a lot of effort into staying positive.  Lately, though, the things I do to keep from Going Dark haven’t been working.   I haven’t been sleeping very well either, so I’m more fatigued than usual, which doesn’t help my mood.

There are lots of places online to take a short test for depression.   I took the Mayo Clinic test and the longer Goldberg Depression Screening Test at psychcentral.com … both suggested I might be dealing with some depression.  Both tests point out that the test results are just an indicator, not a diagnosis, but then again, I’ve had a diagnosis.  This week, I have the annual physical that my Medicare Advantage program provides at no cost to me.   Of course, Medicare calls it my Annual Senior Assessment, which sounds depressingly ominous in its own right.   But the plan is to talk to my doctor about my symptoms … and my test results … to see what he thinks.   No, I don’t want to be another old guy popping Prozac to stay positive.   But I read in a NY Times article that one in seven people over sixty-five suffers from depression, while up to 90% receive no treatment, partly because many believe that depression is a sign of weakness.   I don’t want to be that guy, either, especially since there’s evidence that treatment of depression leads to a longer life.

Giving Me Paws

Before my appointment, I’m doing my homework.   I’m reading about antidepressants in general and learning about the benefits … and side effects … of the most common ones.   There’s an excellent brochure put out by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services here.    Hearing about some of the potential side effects like headache, dizziness, nausea, insomnia, sexual dysfunction, and weight gain give me “paws”.  I’ve learned that the effects of each antidepressant vary from individual to individual, meaning that I might have to try a number of medications to find one that works and has minimal side effects.  I’m fairly tolerant of medications but still, the notion of trial and error treatment isn’t reassuring, especially since a tapering period of several weeks is recommended when coming off some of these meds.  On a positive note (always nice in a post on depression), six in ten people find a helpful medication on the first try.  I’ve talked to friends who have used or are using antidepressants, most finding them helpful but a few couldn’t handle the side effects.  I know that antidepressants saved my father’s quality of life when he was cured-up-on-the-floor depressed.   So, my plan is to be open-minded … but not so open-minded my brains fall out.  Fortunately, I’m functional (if grumpy), so I don’t have to rush into a decision.  Maybe the clouds lift and there will be no decision to make.   We’ll see.

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Tags: antidepressants, depression, feeling older, perspectives, postaday2011, psychology, sadness, senior health

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