Peggy and Payton V

courtesy expertpcguy.com

There are many people who complain continually about computers … just Google I Hate Computers and see how many hits you get.   I’m not one of those guys.  First of all, for all the time we spend staring at them, communicating with them (and through them), and using them for work and play, they are tools.   Very complex and complicated tools, but tools none-the-less.  Would you hate your hammer?  When I worked for large defense companies with large IT departments, if something went wrong with my desktop PC, I’d call them … and complain about their service.   I hated IT departments and the restrictions they placed on desktop PCs … just to give themselves more power, I’d say.   Then, I formed my own company and became our de facto IT department, tracking down messages like Explorer cannot connect to the internet, Windows Anti-Virus has detected 2,113,222 infections on your computer, and Powerpoint can’t open this file because it is corrupted.  I suppose at this point I could have learned to hate computers like this guy.  But I didn’t.  I learned that … Thought Number One … it is remarkable that almost every sentient being in the U.S. (and a number of sub-sentient ones) is able to use a complicated machine like a computer on a regular basis with only occasional technical assistance. Just stand outside a Fry’s Electronics and watch the assortment of people walking out with the latest computing machines and you’ll know what I mean.  This is an incredible technical achievement.

I love computers and I love what they allow us to do, like Skype with the grandkids.  Oh, yeah, their parents are there, too, and our daughter actually wants to talk but it’s great in the heat of summer (115º in Phoenix) to be able to see the little monkeys from the relative cool of my office.  Last night we scheduled our video call at eight, right before the kids go to bed and early enough to leave me time to post for Top Sites Tuesday #115 – Two Thoughts on Tuesday.   Reed, Maddux and Savy were, of course, incredibly cute … when we could see them.  Skype kept losing the picture and informing us that your internet connection is too slow for reliable video chat.  Since I had installed a new, super-duper Belkin router on Friday, this was most disturbing.

After our video call, I settled in to write my post but my WordPress Dashboard wouldn’t load completely.   Now, if you are a techie, I know you’ve been here.   I could have written the post with the internet connection just as it was but I just had to fix the problem first.   Or not.  I reset the modem and reset the router.  Nada.  Tried to connect to the router using Firefox.  Cannot connect to the router.   Shit.  Reset everything again and reinstalled the router software, after which there was not only no internet but no home network.   It was time to call the toll-free number that the router software kept suggesting I call.   That’s when I got to talk to Peggy.   You don’t know Peggy?  Let me introduce you.

Peggy now works for Belkin.   My name is Peggy, says, Peggy, I will be so happy to help you.   She then asks me to disconnect the router and connect my computer directly to my modem, a test to determine that the internet connection isn’t down.  It isn’t the internet connection, I say, I already checked that.  Peggy is relentless, so I pretend to do everything she asks until she agrees, my internet connection is OK.  Now, we start on the router.  We reset it again.  We try to connect to it again.  We ping the router … hello, it’s there!  We unplug the modem and then plug it in after 30 seconds.  What color is the light on the router, Peggy asks.   Amber, I say.  Peggy says, Are you sure it’s not blue?   I think I know amber from blue, you idiot, but I say, Yes, I’m sure.   At this point I throw in a few comments about IP addresses and protocols to let Peggy know that I’m not your average computer weenie, and thirty minutes later, Peggy has a verdict – The router is bad.  Return it to Costco.  I run out to the trash to recover the packaging for my defective router and I retrieve my recently retired D-Link Dinosaur router from my office closet.   After a suitable amount of crawling around under my desk and inventing new combinations of four letter words, the old router is back … but the WordPress still won’t load properly.   I uninstall the Belkin software and, Bingo, the internet is back, faster than ever.  Hmmm.

Once again, I am at a stopping point.  I could have written my post and gone to bed, but instead, I wandered over to the Earthlink site.  Now, it turns out that the DSL modem I received from Earthlink many years ago is no longer supported so I decide to see if Earthlink will replace it.  Past experience with Earthlink customer service has taught me to use Live Chat whenever possible.  This is what I see:

Welcome to Earthlink LiveChat. Your chat session will begin in approximately 0 minutes. Feel free to begin typing your question.
(2 minutes later) You are not currently in a chat session.
(2 more minutes later) You are not currently in a chat session.
(2 minutes later) Please hold for an agent. While you are waiting, please feel free to begin typing your issue in the box below. Try to be as descriptive as possible. Once an agent is assigned to the chat, click SEND to transmit what you have typed.
(Finally) Payton V says: Thank you for contacting EarthLink LiveChat, how may I help you today?

Payton V is much more helpful than Peggy, partially because I don’t have to figure out his accent on chat.  He tells me I can buy a new modem for $49.95 (really? doesn’t that come with the service?) or get one free with a one year commitment.  You know I’m not afraid of commitment … and I’m cheap, so I opt for free.   Payton types: You need to pay for the shipping of the modem.  Shipping charges  are:  Standard Ground Shipping  $19.95  up to  7 Business days;  2 Day Air Shipping  $24.95  up to 2 Business days;  Overnight Shipping  $39.95  Next  Business day.  Yikes!  I can feel the flush rise to my face but I opt for two-day shipping to end the pain.  We’re done, right?  No, this is Earthlink.  Earthlink always has one more thing to sell and this time, it’s the latest and greatest version of Norton security software for $6.95 a month.   I have some experience with Norton and I’d rather stick my tongue in a leaf shredder than put Norton on my computer.  Payton continues to send me canned commercial messages about the benefits of slowing down my computer with Norton.  Finally, I type, NO.  Seriously, Payton and he gets it.  He sends: Is there anything else I can assist you with?  My Inner Curmudgeon suggests, How about leprosy instead? but I type, No, you’ve been very helpful.

So, here I am at 9:00 am on Tuesday, writing this post.  And Thought Number Two is: I hate computers.  But I love clicks, so please, push my button … gently … to make me Number One on Top Sites Tuesday #115.   Now, you’ll have to excuse me … my Inner Curmudgeon needs to go outside and throw some rocks at bunnies.

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