Bread and Hardware
Last week, someone in my Thursday Night Men’s Group reminded me of one of my favorite sayings. Stop looking for bread in the hardware store, he said. No, we haven’t switched to shopping advice for the clueless. It means that we are wasting time if we are looking for something like validation or affection or love from someone who’s never given it before. It doesn’t matter why they won’t give us what we need. We need to look elsewhere. To continue the metaphor, we need to go to a grocery store … to someone who
can provide what we need … or perhaps, learn to bake our own bread … that is, fulfill our own need. That doesn’t mean we should stop going to the hardware store altogether, particularly if the hardware store has lot of other things we like. What guy can’t find lots to like in Home Depot? Have I beat this metaphor to death yet?
No. It occurs to me that many of us have a perfectly good grocery store that always has plenty of bread in the bakery. We ask the woman behind the counter for a loaf of bread and when we get home, it’s white bread. We prefer rye. It’s pumpernickel … we like whole wheat. Get my drift? We don’t get our needs filled in exactly the way we want, so instead of appreciating what we do get, we complain. Sometimes, we need to just make a freakin’ sandwich with what we’ve got. And sometimes, we need to ask for rye bread.
So, to summarize: if you want a relationship to thrive, don’t look for bread at the hardware store but appreciate the things you can get there. Go to the grocery store for bread, ask for rye if that’s what you like but remember that you can have a tasty sandwich with white. Got it?
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Older Eyes 
November 17, 2011 at 8:46 am
This is a serious answer, because I see a lot of significance in your metaphor, so I ask: how do you know when to ask for what you really need and when to be happy with what you’re given?
November 17, 2011 at 9:13 am
Well said! To continue your metaphor, I don’t like to place all my shopping list burden on one store, I like to fill my life with people who can meet my various needs in their own way. I’m more a deli girl than a supermarket kind of person. (Insert your own butcher/meat joke here)
November 17, 2011 at 9:42 am
Great post!
November 17, 2011 at 12:26 pm
You’re right. Why does it bother me that you’re right? Why do I have this need to expect wheat bread when I am well aware that only white bread is available? Why do I find it so hard to just ASK for the wheat bread if that’s what I want? Why do I expect the person behind the counter to be able to read my mind and just KNOW that I want wheat bread instead of white bread?
Maybe I like to be the martyr. And that is a whole ‘nuther set of WHYs that we will just leave alone for today.
November 17, 2011 at 2:03 pm
“We ask the woman behind the counter for a loaf of bread and when we get home, it’s white bread. We prefer rye. It’s pumpernickel … we like whole wheat. Get my drift? We don’t get our needs filled in exactly the way we want, so instead of appreciating what we do get, we complain. Sometimes, we need to just make a freakin’ sandwich with what we’ve got. And sometimes, we need to ask for rye bread.”
Bud, you’re a friggen genius!
November 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Got it! Sometimes I got and it and sometimes I don’t, it’s a tough one.
November 20, 2011 at 11:38 am
Excellent post and excellent reminder that sometimes we can make do with other things just fine and dandy!