Rude!

Through the miracle of Amazon Prime, my copy of Amy Alkon’s I See Rude People arrived a day early and I haven’t been able to put it down.  I expected a non-stop skewering of the people wildly indifferent to other people that she describes as the new rudeness.  Instead, Alkon offers a sociological reason for the rudeness of our species rooted in a brain whose evolution has not kept up with our societal and technological changes.  She suggests that we have always been a rude and self-centered species but in relatively small social groups (say, tribes) where everyone knew each other, we essentially policed each other.  In our diverse and often anonymous communities, the innate rudeness runs rampant.  Whether you buy her theory or not, her description of the new rudeness, divided into categories like The Mobile Savage, The Underparented Child and The Business of Being Rude, is hilarious.  And, as it says on the cover, Alkon gives you the tools you need to confront these abusers and restore common courtesy … one chastened cellphone user at a time.  For example, she calls back one particularly loud Starbucks cell phone talker who happened to say his phone number, informing him of all the personal information she heard.

Before I read too far … and begin to confront my own favorite rudees … I thought I’d post a few of the most annoying rude behaviors I see in my daily travels (and give you a chance to do the same in my comments section).  Yes, I know … loud cell phone people and cell phone drivers and texting while driving … these are a few others:

1. Romance Wreckers – It’s our anniversary.  Muri’s birthday.  I go online and Google Most Romantic Restaurants for the city we’re visiting.  I find one promising beautiful ocean views, wonderful food, intimate surroundings, even guitar music on weekends.  I make reservations for 7:30 and we arrive dressed for the occasion.   What Google didn’t tell us is that there’d be a family with two kids at the next table who’d just come from the beach.  Heather wants desert NOW and Tyler wanted a hot dog, not fettuccine Alfredo … and both are letting the whole restaurant know.  There are places children don’t belong.  Just because their parents have let their larva end the romance in their lives, they don’t have the right to ruin ours.

2. Barista Banter:  I’m in line at THAT coffee place trying to remember the secret word for medium.  I’m late for an appointment and there are seven people in front of me.  And the person at the front of the line, Frippe-Frappe Latte in hand, is telling the barista each and every detail of his last 24 hours (yes, he’s fifty and she’s cute).  And the barista is encouraging him, acting interested, oblivious to the line.  Double rude.

3. Cinema Chatters – We go to the movies a lot on weekday afternoons, when the theaters are empty.  Because I can be a pain about movies, we sit off by ourselves but some people are gregarious and like to be near other people.  They like to sit behind us.  Some of those people are couples who seem to think they’re in their own living rooms.  We get, What did he say?  Why did he do that?  Isn’t that the guy who stold (sic) the car?  There’s a good chance they also laugh loudly at things that aren’t funny.  They are exactly 3.5 times as annoying as the twenty somethings illuminating the theater with their cell phones every thirty seconds two rows in front of us.

Roxy the Grand Dog

4. Canine Consumers– OK.  I’m a cat guy but I don’t hate dogs.  I have a grand dog that loves me.  And if Petco and PetSmart and PetWhatever want let you to bring Woofie to help pick out his own kibble, I’m OK with that.  But why do you have to bring your dogs to people stores then look at every person, waiting for, Oh what a cute rat-dog? as they clog up the aisles?  Last week I had to squeeze past two Mastiffs at Home Depot while the owner blissfully searched for cotter pins in the narrow hardware aisle.  One of them winked at me as if to say, I could maim you in a New York minute.  Home Depot has a Service Dogs Only sign, by the way.  And don’t get me started on dogs at restaurants with patios.  A few weeks ago I had to endure eating my lunch while a couple two tables away fed table scraps to a drooling, slurping bulldog.  Yuck.  They’re dogs, people.  Some people don’t like them and some people are afraid of them.  Leave them home when you go to people places.

5. Parking Lot Pains:  As I’ve gotten older, going to the mall has become something I do out of necessity.  I usually want to get in, get out and go home with my over-priced shirt.  As I drive down one row, I spot a parking place in the next row about 25 spaces from the store and whip around the corner to get it but five cars in, a Mecedes is stopped in the middle of the aisle.  It could be a Prius or a beat up Camry … this particular rudeness knows no economic limits.  Suzy (yes, it’s more frequently a woman … it is the mall, after all) is watching a couple meander down the row, hoping they’re in a closer spot.  I look in the mirror and three other cars have slipped in behind me.   There’s a spot just ahead, I shout helplessly at my windshield (thinking, But it’s mine).  Suzy sits.  Finally, our couple reaches their car, only five spaces closer than the one I covet.  It’s been five minutes now and the guy behind me blows his horn, which gets me flipped off by Suzy.  The couple pops their trunk, puts in a few bags, then starts back towards the mall.  Shit.  Suzy charges forward and takes my spot and I’m starting over.  Suzy is a Parking Lot Pain (in the you-know-what) and I’m wondering where’s Larry’s Parking Lot God when I need Him?

Now, it’s your turn.  What are the most annoying rude  things people do in your life?

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Tags: amy alkon, books, curmudgeonly rants, dogs, humor, I See Rude People, movies, rudeness

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