Just Say No…No…No…
Many, many years ago … approximately sixty-two … I was taught a hard lesson about believing commercials. My mother was complaining about having to wash the bathroom floor, and I felt it was my duty to point out to her that if she used new Spic and Span, it would be easy. Of course, I was basing my opinion on this commercial:
I already have Spic and Span, Mom said. Do you want to do it? Ah, the innocence of youth … Sure, I said. Forty-five minutes later, I’d learned my lesson. Don’t believe commercials. I haven’t forgotten, Mom. But if you’re watching from up there, you know that. You can see that I Tivo shows so that I can skip the commercials and listen to Sirius XM radio, which has no commercials. You’ve probably seen me annoy Muri by making comments about commercials when she’s watching her shows and you’ve heard me yelling at the radio when I need a Sports Talk fix. I’d like to say that it’s just my Inner Curmudgeon, but he and I are on the same page when it comes commercials.
So, there’s a commercial for Nick Alexander Imports that plays on all the local am stations here in Socal and it’s what I call a Station Changer … when it comes on, I not only yell at my radio, I change the station. Have you noticed how all the radio stations play their commercials at the same time? You’d think that would be bad business, wouldn’t you, Mom, that they’d want to pick up the people changing stations. Sometimes, I change stations and get the same freaking commercial! Freakin’s not a bad word, Mom. Anyway, Nick Alexander Imports sells BMW and Mini-Cooper Automobiles. It’s not what they say about the cars they sell that bugs me … hyperbole is part of the auto business, though I have to admit, every time I see a Mini-Cooper park, I expect to see a half a dozen clowns with big feet climb out. I don’t mind their promises of the deal of a lifetime. But at the end of each radio spot, Nick’s daughter, Elizabeth, who does his commercials, says this: Remember, Nick can’t say no. C’mon, Elizabeth. I’ll bet he can say, Are you kidding me? $100 for a new BMW? Or, Get out of my showroom. I’m not giving you a Mini. If Nick couldn’t say no, wouldn’t we all be driving BMWs and Minis? I know, Mom … maybe Nick really does have a problem. Maybe poor Elizabeth hangs around the showroom just to keep old Dad from making bad deals. You always told me to be helpful, Mom, so I’ll offer Nick a little help. Here’s how you say no, Nick:
I’m not being a wiseguy, Mom. Honest. Now, excuse me while I ask these nice readers to push my button … gently … to make me Number One on Top Sites Tuesday #166. It’s a meme, Mom. Where we all offer Two Thoughts on Tuesday. Yes, Mom, there are Two Thoughts in there somewhere. They’ll find them.
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