Let’s Call It Autumn

My wife, Muri, is a conscientious mattress flipper.  The tag on our mattress says we should flip it every three months (summer and winter, head to foot, spring and fall, both head to toe and top to bottom) and we do.  Muri is also a write-out-the-bills-early-and-mail-them person, while I am a pay online at the last minute guy.  Sometimes an oh-shit-I’m-late guy when I miss the reminder on my computer, which is probably why she has a slightly better credit score than I do.  She’s a take your car for the 45,000 mile service at 45,000 miles … I’m likely to roll in at 46,357 and occasionally miss a scheduled service.  She cleans up her messes as she makes them (or better yet, doesn’t make them) and I’m a clean-desk-is-the-sign-of-a-troubled-mind kinda guy.  I wonder, when services like eHarmony examine what their clients say about themselves looking for compatibility, do they put a neatnik with a slob because two neatniks might drive each other crazy?   Do they put blue sky artists with practical souls so that the relationship has some balance?  Or do they choose couples so compatible that after twenty years, they can’t stand each other?  Just wondering.

Anyway, back to the mattress.   Over our years with this mattress, it’s become a family joke … every three months, Muri reminds me it’s flipping time and I complain.  Truthfully, flipping a large, unwieldy mattress becomes more of a chore with each passing year, but I’m a man … I can handle it.  I just need to curmudge a little first.  This morning, Muri said, Today you get to do one of your favorite things.   I knew immediately I had a date with our Sealy but what I said was, Does it involve sex?   Sure, Muri said, quickly segueing back to the task at hand.  It’s the First Day of Fall …  National Mattress Flipping Day.  OK, she didn’t say all of that.  She did, however, add, Happy Fall.

Do you remember Johnny Carson’s character, lovable old Aunt Blabby?  Johnny would dress as an old woman and have long and hilarious conversations about being old with straight man extraordinaire, Ed McMahon.

At some point in the conversation, Ed would say something like, That must have been quite an undertaking, and Aunt Blabby would whack him with her cane.  Never say undertaking to an old woman, she’d say.

So, my response to Muri’s Happy Fall was, Let’s Call It Autumn. Never say fall to an old man.  And she knew exactly what I meant.  You don’t get that with a forty-something child-bride.   It will be ninety-five here and next week we’re headed to Arizona where it will be over a hundred.  So, it hardly seems like autumn.  Except for that mattress.  Happy Autumn, everyone.

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3 Comments on “Let’s Call It Autumn”

  1. I was just thinking I need to flip my mattress. (I do it twice a year – it’s a pillowtop, so it has to be “slid around” rather than “flipped.”) Ugh, what a hassle. They are so freakin’ unwieldy. By the time you’re done flipping/sliding it, you need to lie down on it! Happy Autumn.

  2. Cheryl P. Says:

    Wayne and I are both 100 percent neat freaks but I will say that I take care of most chores exactly when they are due…not so much on the mattress flipping or changing the batteries in the smoke alarms. Maybe we should have that little “chirping” reminder attached to our mattress.

  3. I am a pay online at the last minute gal, myself.

    And flipping the mattress really IS a pain in the ass!

    Happy Autumn, Bud!

    PS: LOVE THAT PHOTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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