What Indeed

park sunriseIf you could be a fly on the wall at many of my Thursday Night Men’s Group meetings, you’d find it hard to believe that it has been the major catalyst in my spiritual evolution.  We are noisy, cantankerous, funny and sometimes vulgar.  But we also talk about things that matter (albeit sometimes in our noisy, cantankerous, funny and sometimes vulgar way) openly without judgement or coercion.   Even so, when the topic for the evening last Thursday chosen as What has God done for you? I knew I was in for a challenging evening.  I knew that some men would simply list the good things in their lives, an oral gratitude list, if you will.  I could count on one man in particular to say that All God wants for us is to be happy, joyous and free.   Someone asked, What hasn’t God done for me?  That’s an equally good question with several interpretations.  There was one, I let go and let God and He gave me a job and several versions of, Since I accepted God into my life, my life has gotten better.

It challenges me because although I see things in shades of gray, I hear what other people say in black and white.  The truth is, I could offer some shade of what every single man said.   In a room full of men whose stories I know better than my own family’s, I feel my life has been blessed.  But more than most, I can’t take my eyes off the good friend who died too young or suffers though difficult health problems.  Or the tragedies that darken the news every single day.  What about those, God?  Perhaps they fit into God’s cosmic plan, but they aren’t happy or better.  You see, I hear always in what people say, even when it isn’t there.  And so when I share about both sides of life, I sound like Bud Dark.  That’s OK.  I love life but I love it with my eyes open.  I can’t figure it out but believing in God makes it easier.  Even better and sometimes happy.

My answer to the question?  Life itself.  Isn’t that enough?

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3 Comments on “What Indeed”


  1. “I see things in shades of gray but hear other people in black and white.” One of the most valuable insights you’ve unintentionally given me about myself. Thanks for that.

    And yes – God gives us life. Life gives us everything else. God may help if we ask – or not. No one really knows for sure. We can only believe what we believe.

  2. cherperz Says:

    I do think having faith makes everything easier. I find it interesting when people say their good fortune is given to them by God. Doesn’t that mean that bad fortune is God given as well. I think Singlecell has it right. God gives life and from there it seems to be largely random. How we handle ourselves through both the good and the bad in our life is on us.

    I think in shades of gray most of the time. I sometimes hear other people in black in white but even then… Some people aren’t at all honest or what they appear to be so there would be shades of gray.


  3. I’m more than a bit like you, Bud -in that I do see grey along with black and white and several other shades here and there too. Sometimes it helps, other times maybe not as much as I’d like it to do. But I keep telling myself things will change, get better too (maybe) and “It could happen.” Sometimes, in order to escape the bitterness from seeping in, I delve more into what is often a bit of a dream world but it’s there and at times, I do have to use that to block out the black from overrunning the place.


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