A Benefit of Being Old

The New York Daily News recently reported that on March 1, Josh Welch … seven years old at the time … was suspended for chewing his pop tart into the shape of a gun in the cafeteria of a Maryland Elementary School.  Josh said that he was really trying to duplicate the shape of a mountain, which figured prominently in a recent drawing he made.   School officials said, The fact that he wasn’t trying to make a gun doesn’t reduce the danger (I made that up).  Wednesday, May 29th, Josh received a lifetime membership to the National Rifle Association and a standing ovation at a Republican fundraiser (I didn’t make that up).  A few days ago, the New York Post reported that 100 high school students on a field trip to Atlanta were thrown off an Airtrans flight because they wouldn’t sit down and turn off their cellphones after repeated requests and a warning from the pilot.  I’d be applauding except that the airline also got them seats on later flights and gave them travel vouchers for their inconvenience.  And Rabbi Seth Linfield, executive director at school, defended his students, saying they weren’t behaving that badly then playing the religion card by saying they were treated like terrorists because they were Jewish.  And according to Yahoo News in Calgary, Briar MacLean went to the aid of a classmate being bullied when he heard a knife open, pushing away the knife-wielding student.  Briar was reprimanded by the school, which said, the school doesn’t “condone heroics” and a teacher should always be called in such situations.  By the way, according to the federal website Stop Bullying, There are a few simple, safe ways children can help the person being bullied get away from the situation. However they do it, make sure the child knows not to put themselves in harm’s way.   It recommends that a child create a distraction.   Bullies, you see, are actually just seeking attention.  They only appear to want to kick the crap out of little Johnny.

Fast forward twenty five years.  The crop of children our society has so educated are now adults, responsible for the conduct of our society.   Johnny Wilcox has been suspended from a New York kindergarten for saying the word, gun.  A spokesmen for the school said, We don’t talk about guns here at Wilson Academy.  Johnny knew we call them bang-bangs but he said guns anyway.  There’s no excuse for his dangerous actions. The American Pastry Pistol Association is protesting the suspension as a further erosion of our Second Amendment rights.  And in Atlanta, a police road block resulted in 45 DUI arrests Saturday night.  The 45 drivers, who were going home from a wedding at the local Knights of Columbus Hall, were taken to the police station, booked then given gift certificates to BevMo for their trouble.  Karen Johnson, whose wedding the drivers were leaving, said that she and her husband … and most of her friends … are left handed.   The police at the road block were all right handed, she said.  Draw your own conclusion.    And in more serious news, in Calgary, several hundred police officers arrived at a local bank where seven men were holding tellers hostage while they emptied the vault.   Police assembled outside the Calgary branch of the Bank of Canada and performed a flash mob, but the perpetrators escaped out the side door with $150,000.   Captain Clouseau of the Calgary police said, I don’t know how they got away.  Usually, all these guys want is attention and the crowd outside was certainly watching our officers excellent performance of Oklahoma.

When I read the news these days, I often think I’ve slipped into an alternate universe, one where the country and the people I love have lost their collective minds.   It seems to be a universe where trivia is punished while real inequities in the world are ignored.   Where political correctness and fear of law suits are more important than doing what’s right.  And where we think that we can counter the most violent among us with a pat on the head and good common sense.  I know, I know, I’m just an old guy wishing things were the way they used to be.  Everything will be A-OK. But when I read the news these days, I find A Benefit of Being Old.  I’m unlikely to be around in 25 years to see where this societal nonsense will carry us.

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