The Benefit of the Doubt

When I started attending 12- Step meetings over twenty years ago, one of the things that drove me crazy was people who used their 3 minutes of sharing to tell a tale of misery and woe, then finished up with, But life is good and with the program, everything is getting better.  Please, I thought.  When I talked to my sponsor about it, he told me I should give people The Benefit of the Doubt.  You don’t know what their lives were like before, so maybe they are better.  And so, as much it was against my nature, I learned to give people The Benefit of the Doubt.  And all in all, it’s served me well.  By trying to see that people are doing the best they can, I often get to see good in them that I’d have missed in the past.

BUT.  There’s a price.  Every once in a while, I believe in someone again and again, only to have them disappoint me.  That makes me distrust my intuition about people and it takes a toll on my faith in mankind.  I feel betrayed, even though my sponsor tells me that thinking the actions of someone else are about me is a symptom of self-centeredness.  I find it harder to trust the next soul I encounter that needs The Benefit of the Doubt.  But then I remember that many years ago, someone gave me The Benefit of the Doubt … when, perhaps, I didn’t deserve it … and it saved my life.  And then I know … I’ll be out on that limb again, paying it forward.   But sometimes only after a very long while.

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Tags: 12 Steps, feeling older, postaday, psychology, relationships

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