Wine and Forgiveness

Do you remember the ads for Paul Masson Wines back in the 1970s?  They featured Orson Welles uttering the then famous catch-phrase, We will sell no wine before its time.  Since Paul Masson was a mass market product featuring wines sold in flip-top decanters … and often cited as an alcoholic’s cheap wine of choice … the ad was considered low humor by serious wine drinkers.  In addition, numerous outtakes of the Welles commercials with Orson apparently three-sheets-to-the-wind have surface on YouTube, adding to the humor.  Orson was dumped by Paul Masson after admitting on a talk show that he never drank the stuff.

So, what’s this have to do with forgiveness, other than the fact that a glass or two may mellow a fellow out a bit and move him in the general direction of forgiveness?  It seems to me that in spite of the hundreds of articles touting the benefits of forgiveness … from every standpoint from spiritual to psychological and physical … forgiveness sometimes takes time.  Or, to paraphrase the portly Mr. Welles, I will serve no forgiveness before its time.

That is not stiff-neckedness on my part.  I truly believe that forgiveness is a noble goal and that if I don’t forgive, my anger will harden into resentment, that poison that I give myself, hoping that someone else will die.  I believe that we are each only responsible to keep our own side of the street clean and that judgement of others is bad business.  And, indeed, withholding forgiveness is a form of judgement.  But I also believe that forgiveness, like grieving, is a process.  The process depends on many things and, and in particular, the event that is to be forgiven.  I don’t believe I serve myself well by offering forgiveness before I am truly ready to forgive.  Cramming emotions into our psychological cellars is rarely healthy.  My sponsor once told me, Trust is easy to lose but difficult to earn back.  I can, however, offer the variety of trust known as The Benefit of the Doubt to someone as a means of getting by in their company until my forgiveness has come of age.

In looking for ways to find my way to forgiveness, I wound up again on website, The Tiny Buddha – simple wisdom for complex lives. Perhaps I should bookmark it.  A post titled How to Forgive Someone When It’s Hard offers 30 ways to let go of anger and move toward forgiveness.  It is  a great list but at this point, at least half of the 30 ways are in the GIVE ME A FREAKIN’ BREAK category.  But I’ve started on at least ten of them.  And that’s progress.

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Tags: feeling older, forgiveness, humor, mindfulness, postaday, psychology, relationships, sadness, spirituality

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