Life in the Slow Lane

old fartI was driving to the office yesterday listening to the Sirius XM  seventies station.  When The Eagles Life in the Fast lane came on, naturally, I turned it up to window rattling volume.  But it also occurred to me that I’m not exactly in the fast lane any more, so I changed the lyrics a bit, to be sung to the tune of  The Eagles 1976 hit, Life in the Fast Lane.  Older Eyes apologies to Joe Walsh, Glenn Frey and Don Henley.  You can find the real lyrics here.

He was a bald-headed man,
He was usually sleeping and she was his elderly spouse.
She woke him up and made him go dancing in the hall
of the old folks house.
He had a nasty reputation as an old fart
She said he was lazy and not very smart.
They had nothing in common, he liked
to sleep late
She’d say, “Let’s go dancing, Harry. This is our monthly date.”
Life in the slow lane
Surely help you get some sleep, mm
Are you with me so far?

Eager for bedtime and not for the date
He had no real interest in staying up late.
She liked all the old people, and she wanted some fun
After dancing one cha-cha, Harry said he was done.
Right there on the dance floor, he started to snore
She pretended not to notice, as she dragged ‘round the floor
Out in the evening, until quarter past eight
He was too tired to shower, she was too tired
to fight about it.

Life in the slow lane
Surely help you get some sleep
Life in the slow lane, half asleep all the time
Life in the slow lane, uh huh
Weezin’ and snorin’, she dragged him along
He didn’t hear the tango start,
so all his turns were wrong

She said, “Listen, Harry. You can hear the music’s
beat. We’ve been up and down this dance floor;
You haven’t moved your goddamn feet.”
He said, “One more cha-cha. Then I’m gonna crash.
You know all this dancin’ just aggravated my rash.”
They went dancin’ cross that dance floor,
spun around and got lost
He didn’t care he was just tryin’ to get off
And it was life in the slow lane
Life in the slow lane

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