GinninKittyJust short of two weeks ago, I posted Taking a Break and I haven’t posted a word since (well, unless you count Facebook, but seriously, who counts Facebook where 20 words is a long post).  That is the longest time I’ve gone without posting since 2009.   I was determined to remain on blogging vacation not until I felt I should post but until I wanted to post.  Should.  My Inner Rebel has always hated shoulds yet my Outer Sensibilities have always believed in doing what I should do.  Don’t you hate it when your insides don’t match your outsides?   So, how do I know I’m ready to begin again? This morning as I sat in our yard meditating, my mind kept drifting from the sweet meditation music and my mantra to the post I was writing in my head.

An old high school friend (I suppose I should say a high school friend from long ago), Carole, messaged me on Facebook with regrets that she would not have my posts to read (thank you, Carole).  She was apologetic for not taking the time to Like my posts and wondered if I was like other writers she knew that just have to write. Indeed I am, Carole. I am always writing … in my journal, in emails, in business. I think like a writer, organizing my thoughts into stories, fiction or non-fiction or somewhere in between. The question was never whether I just have to write … it was do I just have to blog?  The answer, I think, is no but for the moment, I want to.   That’s where I wanted to be when I started again. And, by the way, Carole, likes and comments need to be the frosting on my blogging cake, not the substance.   Still, like it or not, for me writing for others, even the occasional lurker, imposes a higher standard on what I write.  I like that.

I realized something during this break or, more accurately, re-realized it (yes, I get to make up an occasional word. It’s my blog). A long time ago, I was doing several marathons and triathlons a year and regarded myself as a dedicated athlete.  A friend who’s since drifted out of my life told me she thought I was obsessed with my running. I told her, No, I’m disciplined. With a few more years of self-examination under my bridge, I realize she was close to right. When I look at my car, my office … my sock drawer, for Pete’s sake … the way I take notes and keep records, I know that I am not particularly disciplined. I do have an inclination, however, to be compulsive, and over the years I’ve become proficient at harnessing my compulsiveness to a good cause. And calling it discipline. While my sock drawer remains a disaster. The problem with using compulsiveness in the place of discipline is that eventually, it takes over. In running, that means over-training injuries. In blogging, that meant losing the joy that brought me to the medium in the first place.

So, I’m Back. What that means, exactly, I’m not sure because, while I find it natural to become a Compulsive Blogger, I don’t necessarily know how to be a disciplined one. I know it means NO POSTADAY, although sometimes I may post everyday. It doesn’t mean, No Topic No Post as I once declared after publishing a particularly embarrassing post in January of 2013.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned posting here, it’s that pushing myself a bit leads to some surprising (to me) and interesting (also to me) posts.  Once again, it comes down to finding balance.  Maybe this time, I find it.  Hopefully, you’ll stop by now and then to watch.

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7 Comments on “Back”

  1. cherperz Says:

    Less than two minutes ago, I left a message on your “Taking a Break” post and HERE you are. I am happy to see that you are feeling the need to blog again. Balance is a very hard thing to find at times and perhaps you have hit upon a way to work blogging into you daily life while maintaining it.

    I will be back watching for your posts and looking forward to hearing what is on your mind.

  2. Charles Says:

    Welcome back! I missed your insight.

  3. jenihill Says:

    I do envy your compulsiveness to a degree as the only thing I seem to be compulsive about is trying to squeeze in a bit more sleep every day and ignoring the messiness in my house way too frequently! I’ve been trying to find a way to strike a balance between the housework, the Avon Route, occasionally cooking a meal for myself, plus finding time to work on my current embroidery project too! It really isn’t all that much to do but boy, I sure do have one heck of a hard time squshing those things into my day planners! This week, I have the little grandson here with me all week so it kind of puts a crimp in my time for the Avon as I will have to take him “door-to-door” with me. But then too, I don’t have that terribly big of a route and the majority of my customers are all old hands at dealing with me showing up at their door with a small child in tow. (They remember back 25-35 years ago when I would often show up with both my two younger kids with me! The kids were trained too as to which houses they had to sit still and be quiet and which houses the owner almost always had some activity available for them to play with and thus, keep them occupied. Kurtis does fairly well but being quiet is still not something that ranks very high on his agenda!)
    So anyway, if you find a good, easy way to strike a balance, please share it as I’ll try just about anything in an effort to bring some organization into my way of life! Oh and welcome back too! Almost forgot that!

  4. Meg Says:

    Welcome back! You do have readers.

  5. sharon towns Says:

    I am a consistent voyeur because I do not comment or
    Iike but I love your writing.

  6. Barry Says:

    Welcome back. You were missed.

  7. territerri Says:

    I’m glad you’re back and glad that you didn’t stay away as long as I thought you might. Sounds like the break did exactly what you needed it to do. Welcome back!

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