A Curmudgeon on the Road
On my way to a doctor’s appointment today, I found myself behind a yellow Nissan XTerra for several miles. No, yellow doesn’t do the vehicle justice. It was the color my brother-in-law, Norm, calls hard yellow, a term he used with such assurance that I thought it was a real color. Nope … it’s a Normism, albeit a good one. Hard yellow is nowhere to be found on the internet, not as a color anyway … it does show up as a kind of cheese, a coating on teeth and a kind of skin that shows up on old feet Yuck. So, OK, the color of the Nissan was a little toward mustard from true yellow, a little less orange than school-bus yellow and a bit less brown than baby-shit yellow. Can you picture it now? No. Well , here it is.On the rear door of the vehicle … right on the paint, not on the bumper or the rear window … was a sign that read, in red:
ZOMBIE RESPONSE UNIT
Dead things made deader
My Inner Curmudgeon stirred from his summer hibernation. What kind of idiot would put something like that on their car? Of course, when you have a car that ugly, maybe you just want to distract people from the color. It’s hard to believe Nissan would make anything in that color. Of course, the sort of person who’d buy a piece of crap like an XTerra probably thinks it looks cool. Looks more like a small school-bus if you ask me. And what is it with zombies? Talk about a mindless fad that won’t go away. Dead made deader. Is that supposed to be funny?
Welcome back, IC, I thought as I passed the Nissan, hoping it would shut him up. Having an Inner Curmudgeon can be a dangerous distraction when driving. But of course, now, it’s blogging time, where he can be an endless source of curmudgeonly inspiration. According to an article on About Psychology, owning a yellow car doesn’t make you an idiot, it makes you a happy person in general and perhaps more willing than most to take risks. On the other hand, according to Psychology Today, bumper stickers on cars are the automotive equivalent of peeing on the bushes to mark your territory. Drivers with bumper stickers … as well as other things that personalize a car like window decals and vanity plates … are more likely to exhibit road rage than stickerless drivers. And to add a scholarly slant to the discusssion, according to the Stanford Scholar, We use fictional narratives not only to emotionally cope with the possibility of impending doom, but even more importantly perhaps to work through the ethical and philosophical frameworks that were in many ways left shattered in the wake of WWII. Hence, zombies are a testament to people’s desire to not only survive, but even possibly improve the world in the face of a seemingly impossible situation. Who knew?
So, you see, IC, that young man in the hard yellow Nissan that you were savaging was simply a happier than average fellow with a slight tendency toward road rage who is using zombies as a metaphor to work through philosophical and ethical issues. What do you think of that? Sounds like a lot of psycho-babble hooey? He’s still an idiot? Yeah, that’s what I thought you’d say. You could be right.