I suppose we each have a default style of living, one that we revert to when we’re not living consciously. I would call my default life style free-running. No to-do lists, no schedules, no chores … just dive into what I want to do next until the urge strikes to do something else. I am, after all, a creative person and don’t creative people have to be spontaneous? I suppose the answer is Yes, but not always because here’s how it ends up working. A few minutes ago, in the middle of writing this post, I noticed that the flowers in my containers in the back yard were beginning to wilt, so, naturally, I jumped right up and watered them. As I was putting the hose away, I noticed the birdfeeders were empty and headed toward the garage get the seed, which is when I noticed the patio door was sticking in its track, something I’ve been meaning to fix for a while now. So I cleaned out the track and lubricated it and it slides just as smooth as can be, but the bird feeders are still empty. And the coup de gras, of course, is that my to-do list says I’m supposed to be cleaning my office. The problem is that when I’m free-running, things get done but there’s no priorities and an assortment of high-priority to-dos begin to pile up. Those generally include pay-by-the-hour priorities (aka, work), spiritual priorities like jounaling and gratitude lists, and creative ones like writing, painting and listening to music. Guess which ones get done in crunch time? Yep, the ones that pay the bills … and the free-running creative finds himself skipping those things that make him tick.
I freaking hate the D-word. No, not divorce, Discipline. And yet it’s what I need. You can tell by the mess in my office and in the back seat of my car. After the last month or so it feels like I’m back to square one. Oh, God, I hate that feeling but an old friend told me during a discouraging time almost twenty years ago that You’re never starting over, you’re just starting again with every experience and every lesson learned still in your pocket. Starting again, I can do. So pardon me, it’s time to go upstairs and clean my office … unless, of course, I notice the old laptop that needs a new power jack calling from my office table.
Have a great weekend.