Inexplicable

candle3Seventy years of life … and twenty-one years working the 12 Steps … have helped to accept life on life’s terms.  For me, those terms have been mostly good, occasionally punctuated by sadness and, even less often, by  tragedy.  This week, my kid sister, nine years my junior, was diagnosed with early onset dementia.  When I shared about it at my meeting Tuesday night, I suggested dire consequences for anyone who told me, Things happen for the best, and I was only half joking.  I don’t see how anything can be best in this.  Can there be some cosmic reason why my sister may have to spend the rest of her life in nusring care?  Sure but that is, as they say, way above my pay grade.  I could have offered a similar warning for It’s all part of God’s Plan.  Am I supposed to be relieved by the notion of a God that would do this to my sister?  My mother used to say that, People who have disabilities in life have a special place in Heaven.  Is it so special that they look back and say, My suffering was worth it?  Could be but hard to imagine.  I can Let Go and Let God, but for me, that is simply a statement of acceptance, not of understanding.  Trying to understand was always my ticket off of the Spiritual Express and away from a faith in a Higher Power.  These days, I simply accept that things like my sister’s illness are Inexplicable, at least to human sensibilities.  As the old Zen saying goes, If I understand, things are just as they are.  If I don’t understand, things are just as they are.  And life goes on.

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One Comment on “Inexplicable”

  1. Charlie Says:

    I’m sorry to hear about patty. I’ll keep her in my prayers.


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