Tapestry

As I get older (and older!), I find myself more philosophical, thinking about the nature of things and what, if anything, it all means.  Friends who seem to have found faith, or at least a view of life that works for them, say I am an over-thinker.  I plead guilty.  I am a very lucky man, happily married for over 50 years, living in a beautiful community in Utah, financially secure and ten minutes from my grandkids.  But at seventy-seven, it is impossible to ignore the fact that there are substantially fewer years ahead than behind.  Friends suffer senior maladies and sometimes leave this life.   My maladies are relatively minor but bothersome and its easy to imagine that my latest ache or pain will usher in my turn for something serious.   Friends tell me God’s in Charge.  I believe that … but why does God make life so difficult sometimes and require that we say good bye to those that we love?    Other friends say Nothing is Good or Bad.  It is what we think about it that makes it seem good or bad, a notion borrowed from Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Sorry.  I can’t buy that losing a friend … or contracting a nasty illness … is neutral, nor is it Good Appearing Bad.

I would not say that my wife, Muri, is a philosophical person but she is not above placing philosophical sayings around the house as decor.  In our guest bathroom there is small sign which reads There is always something to be thankful for.  It is right across from the toilet so I get to look at it regularly (no pun intended).   Over the weekend the sign I’ve looked at hundreds of time got me thinking.  What a surprise.  Anyway, pick a feeling.   Let’s say sadness.  There is always something to be sad about.  A sick friend or some way in which you’ve disappointed yourself.  The same is true for happiness.  I smile every time I look down and see my cat, Tyson, curled up asleep on the desk in front of me.  How about fear?  Friends tell me its False Evidence Appearing Real.  Sometimes that’s true but I’d suggest that There is always something to fear.  We were built (or we evolved, if you prefer) with a range of emotions which enable us to navigate this life as safely as possible.  We’d like to be happy … or grateful … or serene …. all the time but that’s not life as it is.  And I firmly believe if we suppress emotions we see as undesirable, we limit our ability to feel emotions we prefer.  We are meant to be passionate.

Each life is a tapestry, woven from our emotions.  Remove one, and the tapestry falls apart.  I like to think that someday, I’ll be able to see the tapestry of my life and how it fits into the larger tapestry of the universe.   But in the mean time, the best I can do is use the threads given to me, weaving them into the tapestry of my life as best I can.   

Explore posts in the same categories: feeling older, spirituality

Tags: feeling older, Life, mindfulness, philosophy, spirituality

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