Archive for the ‘humor’ category

Pedantic

November 26, 2017

vegas kidsWe are spending Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with my grandkids and their parents at the Wyndham Grand Desert.   I am not a fan of Vegas but it turns out that it is close to halfway between Herrimann, UT, where they live and Socal, where we live.  So, here we are.  This morning, while my wife, daughter and granddaughter were off picking up dinner, the boys were getting restless, so I decided to see if they’d like to take a walk.  I turned to them and said, Why don’t you put on your shoes and we’ll go explore the rest of the property. My grandson, Maddux looked at me with a funny grin and said, You mean you want to walk around the hotel? And there you have it.  Even my ten years old grandson thinks I’m pedantic.  Of course, I am putting words in his mouth … he would never call his Papa a pedant.  In fact I don’t ever recall being called pedantic directly but the word does materialize in my consciousness whenever I get that look after using a sesquipedalion word in common discourse.  Several times I’ve asked, Do you think I’m pedantic?  Sometimes, was sometimes the answer. (more…)

Very Punny

October 4, 2017

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself  – Doug Larson

I grew up in a family where corny humor … and especially puns … were the order of the day … every day.   My Dad was the Master and anything was fair game.   Every year when King Melchizedek turned up in the Catholic gospels at Mass, my Dad would pronounce him King Melted-Cheese-a-Deck, eliciting the required snickers and groans from everyone but my mother, who’d just shake her head.  Another Dad classic was his response to Grey Poupon Dijon mustard commercials.  He referred to the stuff as Gray Poop on De John.  Dad taught us well and by the time we reached junior high we were all accomplished (awful) punsters.  Dad’s annual King Melted-Cheese-a-Deck routine might be greeted with, That’s not punny anymore, Dad.  Cue more groans.   Like Doug Larsen, we thought of punning as the lowest form of humor, which was why we loved it and because, as an anonymous author once said, A pun is a short quip followed by a long groan.

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Fixes

October 2, 2017

According to the dictionary, getting a fix means To obtain something necessary, especially a dose of an addictive drug or anything else compulsively sought after.   Of course, the phrase is an idiom in the sense that it’s definition can’t be determined from the meaning of the words.  So, I tend to drop the addicted and compulsively and let it just mean doing something I really enjoy.  Back in my running days, after a long day at work, I’d put on my Nikes and go out for a running fix. Yeah, my friends told me I was compulsive about exercise.  OK, as ice cream lovers, my wife and I sometimes head to our favorite shop in Dana point for an ice cream fix.  But believe it or not some geniuses at the New York Times (all the news that’s fit for the bottom of a birdcage) published an article comparing ice cream consumption to drug use.  OK, music.  When I’m down, nothing lifts me like listening to some music I love.  But sure as shit, there are articles about the problems of music addiction.  It seems to be in the nature of our modern world that some idiot is out to find fault with liking anything too much.  (more…)

Tops, Drawers and Doors

July 21, 2017

Neat_NotMy wife, Muri, likes things neat and clean. Older Eyes, not so much, which is why I have a private office with a door that remains mostly closed.  When Muri comes to my office to talk, I can tell, she tries not to look around to the debris of several days work … plus empty soda cans, coffee cups and miscellaneous papers … scattered around on my table and desk.  Sometimes the floor.  I try to do better in the rest of the house, but I admit, it never meets Muri’s goals for me.   When I’m busy … meaning I’m doing something I’m interested in, things with a lower priority slip past my attention.  I think to some degree it’s a guy thing, although I certainly know neatnik guys.  And guys much messier than I am.   Muri tells me, I don’t know anyone who leaves things open as much as you do.  What do I leave open?  Tops, Drawers and Doors, mainly.  When I think about it, she has lived with one man for most of her life, so how would she know anyone else?

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Friendly Furnishings

August 13, 2016

oldFifteen years ago, with my business doing well and our neighborhood of 30 years declining, we decided to buy a new, larger house across the freeway in Anaheim Hills.  Much of our furniture was as old as our old house, so we decided to completely furnish our new home from scratch.   I had always liked the idea of a recliner but didn’t care for the looks of most of them and my wife, Muri, liked them a lot less.   But in a corner of our favorite furniture store, Hector’s Fine Furniture, where we were picking out a Mission-style entertainment unit and tables for our family room, was a Mission-style leather chair.  I tried it out.   It was not only comfortable, it was a recliner that both Muri and I liked.  It came home with us and found its place in the corner across from the TV. (more…)

Getting On

May 24, 2016

TLI am not a car guy.  OK, when I graduated from college, I bought a brand new Alfa Romeo, which was pretty cool (but, it being Italian) it was a mechanical nightmare.  I moved on to a Volvo when I got married and had a brief rebound affair with a Fiat, which taught me the meaning of Fix It Again Tony.  Since then it’s been Toyotas, Hondas and Chevies.  See?  Not a car guy.  But few years ago when business was good, I bought an Acura TL which is the best car I’ve ever owned.   Quite simply, I love it.  It is, however, Getting On, in years and in miles.  It runs great and is as fast as ever but several of the luxury accessories I love are, shall we say, misbehaving.  For one, the outdoor temperature sensor has failed, so where I used to see 72°, I now see .  Unless, of course, it rains or I take it to the car wash.  Then, until the sensor dries, I see -22° as the outside temperature.  Big deal, you say.  You live in Southern California. … it’s never cold.  Except that the Acura climate control uses the outside temperature to determine whether air conditioning is required, so it can be 105° outside … the air conditioning won’t come on until the sensor dries out.  I can live with that. (more…)

How Are You? Fine.

March 3, 2016

image Many (many!!!) years ago, Older Eyes, his wife, Muri, and their two children took a vacation in Florida.  Naturally, part of the trip was a visit to Walt Disney World and the other similar attractions that had sprung around Orlando.  The second half of the trip was a relaxing stay at a beachfront hotel in Clearwater.   On the first day there, my gregarious little girl, Amy, made a friend at the pool and, as often happens on vacations, we ended up sitting with her new friend’s parents several times.  I don’t remember much about them except that Dad had a heavy Scottish accent and knack for spotting the idiosyncracies in the tourists around him.  One day, after saying good morning and settling into a chaise lounge beside me, he said, Let me ask you something.   When you Americans say, “How are you?” you don’t really want to know, do you? It’s just like hello.   And Fine is just hello back. As one of those Americans, I’d never thought of it in exactly that way.
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Cleaning the Garage

September 8, 2015

garageMy wife, Muri, likes things clean and tidy.   She likes shining floors and counters, organized shelves and refrigerators, table tops neatly arranged and dusted, and clean carpets.  She likes people’s stuff put away.  I would tell you that I like those things, too, just not as intensely or as often.  She would tell you differently.  In forty seven years together, we’ve trained each other.  I try to be neater and she tries to overlook my sometimes messy habits.  Sometimes, we succeed.  This difference in our neatness standards has led to a division of labor that seems to work.  Muri takes care of the inside of the house and I take care of the outside.  She’s never come out and told me this, but I assume she sees the outside as a hopeless project because there’s all that dirt out there.  Not to mention bugs. (more…)

Robert

June 20, 2015

kidsIt strikes me that it’s been a little serious around here on Bud’s Blog for a while, maybe even a little grumpy.   Even some of my Monday Smiles have been of the I-don’t-feel-like-smiling-but-here’s-something-that-makes-me-smile variety.   My Inner Curmudgeon, that persona who has been responsible for bringing humor (of a cantankerous sort) to my blog since 2009 seems to be on vacation.  So, I thought I’d tell a grandkid story today just to brighten the place up.  Whats more fun than a grandkid story … unless it’s a grandkid story with poultry. (more…)

With All My …

February 14, 2015

heartWhether you are a romantic or not, whether you have a Valentine in your life or hate the day as 45% of Americans do, unless you lock yourself in your room today with the television off, you will see hearts everywhere.  And odds are that somewhere during the day, you will hear someone say, I love you with all my heartNow I think most people who know me would say  I am a romantic, but I am also a scientist, a scientist who has within the past few years had a thoroughheart evaluation of his heart by a cardiologist.  I assure you, he was not checking to see if I could love my Valentine, my wife Muri, in the way she deserves.  No, he was making sure that a cardiac misfire hadn’t caused a blackout I experienced while riding my bike.  It hadn’t and I’m fine, by the way, but having peered at my heart valves on the ultrasound machine, I know that my heart is a muscle, albeit a very sophisticated one.  So what’s with all this Love from the Heart nonsense? (more…)