Archive for the ‘love and marriage’ category

Solitude

September 11, 2017

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you – Kahlil Gibran On Marriage in The Prophet

Occasionally, when I mention how long my wife and I have been together (over fifty years), someone asks, What is your secret?  The answer of course, is that there is no secret, except perhaps that the best of relationships take commitment and work.  I suppose that doesn’t qualify as a secret either because it’s mentioned in virtually every self-help book ever written on the fine art of marriage.   There are, however, many factors that contributed to our long run together and one of those is that we both need time alone and, because we both need our Solitude, we are both willing to give it to each other.  Oh, it’s not perfect.   If one of us is feeling needy or just in need of company and the other there can be hurt feelings or reluctant compromises, but what marriage doesn’t have those?  In our Solitude, we pursue interests of our own, some which require uninterrupted contemplation, and we consider with the perspective that only solitude can bring the decisions to made in our life.   It probably sounds enigmatic, but I believe that in part the divisiveness and misunderstanding that plagues our society these days stems in part from too little time spent alone in quiet contemplation and the lack of self-knowledge that results from continual engagement with others. (more…)

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Can You Believe … 49?

August 11, 2017

marriedWe have a group of four couples that we go out for dinner with for Christmas.  They are all friends we made when we moved into our first house in 1972.  We see each other sporadically during the year but Christmas is the only time we go out as a group.   One of the remarkable things about this group is that we have almost 200 years of marriage between us.   My wife, Muri, and I are doing our part with our 49th anniversary today.  Given our fairly long courtship at the University of Connecticut, we have known each other for 53 years.  Looking back at the immature, arrogant young man I was at 21, I have to believe I had some guidance in choosing her to be my wife.  Perhaps there’s some truth to the Jewish notion of a Basheert,  the name of the woman a man will marry announced by a voice from heaven 40 days he is born – literally a match made in heaven. (more…)

Grow Old with Me …

August 23, 2016

old handsYou probably know the rest … the Best is Yet to Be.  You may even know that the phrase is the first line of a poem by Robert Browning with the unlikely title of Rabbi Ben Ezra, a poem that is more philosophical and less romantic than the opening line suggests. You may know that a song of the same name … loosely based on Browning’s poem … was one of John Lennon’s last compositions.  Does it seem possible that the man who wrote Imagine wrote these lyrics?

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love

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Forty-Eight Years

August 11, 2016

As of today, Mr. and Mrs. Eyes (aka Muri and Bud) have been married for forty-eight years.   In case you were wondering, this is what a forty-eight year marriage looks like.   Yes, there were a few tough times but who takes pictures of those?   Besides, they were few and far between.

48

heartsHappy Anniversary, Murihearts

Throwback Thursday – Falling or Climbing

October 15, 2015

Would you believe I have over 1800 posts here on Older Eyes – Bud’s Blog?   Maybe that’s why new post topics seem hard to come by.  At any rate, I’ve decided to repost my favorites on Throw Back Thursday.   This post, Falling and Climbing, was originally posted in 2009 then again in 2011.   It is about the true meaning of love, at least as I see it.  It is about what it really means to have a soulmate who challenges you to be the best person you can be, not one who is a reason to leave the relationship you are in.

My wife and I are friends with a couple who are about ten years older than we are … and who have been married ten years longer.    When they’re out together, they get those aren’t they a cute old couple looks.   People often ask them, “How can we have a marriage like yours?”    The answer is this –  “If you want to have what we have, you have to go through what we went through,” a response I liked enough to use in my toast at my daughter’s wedding.
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Forty-Seven

August 11, 2015
basheert

basheert

I met Muriel in my Junior year of college at the University of Connecticut.  She was dating my best friend.  That would have been 1965.  A while later, after she’d stopped dating him because he wasn’t Jewish (I’m fairly certain he didn’t know why), I asked her to a party at my fraternity and she accepted.  She thought my last name was Green, which could be Jewish.  It wasn’t … I was raised Catholic.  Our parents were not overjoyed … in varying degrees … with the prospect of an interfaith marriage.  Three years later, after several breakups to please the folks, we were married in a Connecticut synagogue.   It took some effort to find a Rabbi that would marry us.  That was forty-seven years ago today.

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Birthday, Interrupted

July 15, 2015

birthdaymuriToday was my wife, Muri’s _____ birthday.   Really?  You thought I was going to tell you her age?   A man does not stay married to the same woman for going on 47 years by telling the universe … or at least that small portion of it that reads Older Eyes – Bud’s Blog … her age.  I have always made a big deal of her birthday.   I don’t know where that particular instinct came from … I don’t remember my Dad  doing so.   Making a big deal used to mean buying extravagant gifts, at least extravagant by our inherited middle class standards.   I am fortunate to have a very practical wife that, although she loves beautiful things like jewelery and designer purses, is most often too practical to buy such things for herself.  Happily, I get to indulge her for holidays like birthdays and Valentine’s Day.   However, as we push our way through our sixties (one of us having exited said decade), we find it harder and harder to find things we want for our birthdays.  Yes, we are lucky but we are also less drawn to material things as we age.  Making a big deal of Muri’s birthday can become problematic.
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