Archive for the ‘spirituality’ category

Metaphorically Speaking

August 6, 2017

park sunrise

In 12-Step programs, we spend a lot of time talking about God because they are spiritual programs based on no particular form of religion.  God first appears in the 2nd step as a power greater than ourselves (who) could return our life to sanity … or, more simply, a Higher Power.   For some reason, in men’s meetings, some guys choose to abbreviate this to HP, as in, I’m better off if I turn my problems over to HP.   Because I’m an engineer, HP has always meant Hewlett Packard and there’s no way I’m turning my problems over to them … or to Dell or Lenovo for that matter.   But then again, turning things over to God under any name has always been a challenge to me.  12-Step people often say that when they turn things over to God, God does for them what they couldn’t do for themselves.   People tell stories of difficulties turned over to God that resolve themselves miraculously  … often sounding as if that’s how the world always works.  With these cynical eyes God gave me, sad or tragic outcomes are as likely as good ones whether I turn my problems over to God or Hewlett Packard or no one at all.  Cliches like, Sometimes things that initially appear bad turn out to be good, and Everything happens for a reason, don’t help much, even though both have been true in my life sometimes.  But for twenty plus years I have been turning someone I love over to God and that someone continues to struggle.  I don’t blame God for his problems but I do wonder why God’s help doesn’t help.  Likely something to do with free will.  There are those who tell me I should banish this person from my life as a way of getting out of God’s way.  That doesn’t feel right but I’m certainly not certain. (more…)

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Angels

April 2, 2017

This is a repost of something I posted at the end of 2009, the year I started Older Eyes – Bud’s Blog.  I don’t remember what was going on but obviously I was looking for guidance.  This has been a difficult few months and I find myself looking again.   The same thoughts apply.

Years ago, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer.    When she went through surgery and the subsequent radiation, my son’s cat, Mr. B, was staying with us.   Mr. B was an affectionate people-loving cat to start with but when my wife came home from the hospital, he became her constant companion.   He’d curl up next to her on her pillow whenever she was in bed and drape himself over her neck when she came home exhausted from radiation treatments.   A genuine bond formed between them.   After the twelve weeks of radiation were over, we made plans to go back east and visit our families.   The morning we were leaving, Mr. B was killed by a coyote in our front yard which was devastating to both of us.    I don’t remember which of us it was that suggested that he was an angel who’d been called home because his job looking after my wife was done.    Interestingly, when I told my sister what had happened, she suggested the same thing.  Of course, we aren’t the first to suggest that our felines might be angels … Allen and Linda Anderson’s book, Angel Cats – Divine Messengers of Comfort, is full of similar stories. (more…)

Good. Bad. Indifferent.

July 10, 2016

park sunset1I will tell you that this post could be a ramble.  It addresses a topic that’s been rattling around in my head for months and unless I write it out, it won’t stop.  It might not anyway.  I am fortunate to be part of several men’s meeting where guys talk about life and how they live it in a much more intimate way than I have ever known before.  Sometimes, I get to see our similarities, how we all do our best to deal what life deals us and how we can learn from each other’s struggles.   Other times, I get to see differences in the way we view the world … and the way we deal with it.  In those instances, it would be nice if I could just say to myself, This is what I do … that’s what they do.  But sometimes, their way looks easier if I could only mange to follow suit and I need to articulate my beliefs … to myself. (more…)

The Real World

April 26, 2016

P1020197Friday afternoon, I drove to Arrowhead Ranch, a camp and retreat center in Lake Arrowhead, for a retreat with a group of about 40 men from my Thursday Night Men’s Meetings.   That is my official … if not totally genuine … reason for not posting since last Wednesday.   The truth is, nothing inspired me to write.   Yes, Jack London said, You can’t wait for inspiration, you have to go after it with a club, but since writing is my avocation not my vocation (avocation sounds so much more grown-up than hobby, doesn’t it?), sometimes I choose to just wait.   Or retreat, in this case.  But here I am, back again.  Did you miss me?
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Happy Now

March 22, 2016

snowI am sitting at the kitchen table in my daughter’s house in Herriman, UT.   Through the window in front of me, I can see an early spring snow flurry lightly coating the back lawn with white.  My daughter just got home from work, stylish and beautiful (much more so that she believes, but isn’t that true of many of us?).   I’ve been sitting here, writing and emailing friends for a couple of hours.  I am at peace.  I am happy.  It is all too rarely that I stop to acknowledge that kind of happiness, simply being in a place I want to be, doing what I enjoy doing.  Too often, I want the Capital H Happy.   You know.   Everything is going well, the future looks bright and, by the way, any unhappiness from the past is resolved, forgiven or forgotten. (more…)

Head. Feet. Together.

February 21, 2016

With visitors coming this week, this SatHome depoturday was a chore day.   I had a long list of things to do around the house and of errands I needed to run in order to be able to do those things around the house.  Chances are about 98% that on a chore day, a trip to our local Home Depot will be required.  Today, I needed flowers … assorted viola and some sweet alyssum … toviolet brighten up my flower pots in the yard.  I also picked up some kitchen cabinet polish.  The plan was to finish at Home Depot, take some boxes to our storage bin, then stop at Target to pick up some cat food before heading home to start on my chores.  Everything was on schedule until I loaded the plants into the trunk in the Home Depot lot and closed the lid.  Have you ever had one of those moments where your hand is in the process of closing the door and a voice in your head shouts KEYS!!! … but it’s too late to stop?  You hopefully look in your pocket but you know where they are.  In the trunk with the plants.  And the car doors are locked.  Shit. (more…)

Not Just for Me

January 12, 2016

tired catThere was one day last week that didn’t go so well.   There were no tragedies, no calamities, no tears.  There were difficult issues to deal with and people … for some strange reason … did not line up to do what I wanted them to do.  Go figure.  By the end of the day, I needed an enclave so I drove … alone … to the park.   It had rained most of the day and was still drizzling as I pulled up to the parking lot by the lake.  Creativity general is a balm for my soul, so I took a picture of the lake shrouded in the leftover clouds of a Socal storm and posted it.  Here it is again.

tmp_28793-Park rain539355616

About 40 minutes later, I was treated to this:

park sunset1 (more…)