Posted tagged ‘humor’

From the Heart

February 14, 2019

heart

Whether you are a romantic or not, whether you have a Valentine in your life or hate the day as 45% of Americans do, unless you lock yourself in your room today with the television off, you will see hearts everywhere. And odds are that somewhere during the day, you will hear someone say, I love you with all my heart. Now I think most people who know me would say I am a romantic, but I am also a scientist, a scientist who has within the past few years had a thorough evaluation of his heart by a

heart

cardiologist. I assure you, he was not checking to see if I could love my Valentine, my wife Muri, in the way she deserves. No, he was making sure that a cardiac misfire hadn’t caused a blackout I experienced while riding my bike. It hadn’t and I’m fine, by the way, but having peered at my heart valves on the ultrasound machine, I know that my heart is a muscle, albeit a very sophisticated one. So what’s with all this Love from the Heart nonsense?

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Almost Eric

February 6, 2019

ancient musicMy love of music goes back as far as I can remember (and that, my friends, is a stretch of time). But as much as I love listening to music, I have never been proficient at making music. Oh, yes I’ve dabbled with guitars since high school and got to the point where I could play well enough to accompany myself singing popular songs. Singing wasn’t my strong suit either. Twenty or so years ago we bought a piano and the whole family started taking lessons. I lasted the longest and could play a dozen or so of my favorite songs before, inexplicably, I gave it up. Now, the piano sits quietly (and out of tune) in our living room. The same can be said for the three guitars I accumulated in my guitar dabbling days. On the shelf in my office is a native American flute that hasn’t uttered a note since the last time my grandkids were here and just had to try it. (more…)

On the Nose

February 4, 2019

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Checking the main page of my blog today, I found that I haven’t posted since January 11. Such absences are all that uncommon during the past few years, during which my posting has probably best described as intermittent. Perhaps sporadic. Or spasmodic. Anyway, I am prone to postless periods of increasing duration. You probably get the point by now. There are reasons besides literary laziness or poster’s block. For example, we are in the process of going through the stuff we’ve accumulated over 17 years in our current house, discarding the stuff that is junk and donating the stuff that is still useful to charity. George Carlin, commenting on the stuff we all keep, said, Have you noticed that their stuff is junk and your junk is stuff? Except he didn’t say junk. Or course, sorting though my stuff takes time that could be spent posting and inevitably, I come across old pictures. Who can resist sitting down to leaf through a pile of memories, which means no posting or sorting.

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(Almost) Headed Home

December 28, 2018

thOur Christmas stay with our grandkids is over (sigh) and we are (Almost) Headed Home. Almost because our flight from Salt Lake City is delayed over two hours. It has been snowing here on and off for two days and, on the way to the airport the car next to us went into a 720-spin on the slick road and almost hit us. But the snow here isn’t the reason for our delay. Lightning storms in Texas delayed the plane’s departure from Austin to Salt Lake. You should know that in spite of the fact that I am a Million Mile flyer … and that I find the window seat at 30,000 feet a great place to work or write … I hate airports, especially on busy flight days.   OK. If I had an airport to myself … and maybe a few hand-selected friends … it might be tolerable.  I’m just not fond of being crammed into uncomfortable seating at the gates with hundreds of travelers. Businessmen talking (loudly so we’ll all know how important they are), closing deals on their cell phones. Noisy kids and noisy parents trying in vain to keep them under control. Lonely souls telling their life stories to anyone who will listen.  The inevitable babbler with the annoying voice who can’t seem to stop talking even though she ran out of things to say ten years ago. (more…)

Nowhere to Go

December 23, 2018

I found this post languishing nearly finished in my draft folder.   I think it’s pretty funny as long as you don’t take it too seriously.

hours-highway-truck20060928_0120-2016-09-27-13-43-e1494531460183-2017-05-15-09-30So, you’re driving on the freeway. Yes, depending where you live, it might be the turnpike, throughway, parkway, highway or expressway. Just assume lots of lanes, speed limit, say, 65 mph. Traffic is moderate but moving along, heavy 18-wheelers mostly hanging out in the right lane. If you are a driver like me, you are in the second lane from the right where you can move along at a few mph above the speed limit, but not deal with crazies in the speed lanes. As you begin an incline, the eighteen wheeler ahead of you begins to slow and you are gaining on it steadily. Out of the corner of your eye in your right side mirror you see a Honda Civic coming up fast, clearly trying to get by you before you catch up with the truck. Do you: (a) slow down and let him pass then cut ahead of you; or, (b) slowly accelerate so that he can’t? Me? These days I’m almost always the (a)-guy but every once in while, the (b)-guy sneaks out. When I’m the (a)-guy, I think, Now where does he think he’s going? before letting the Civic slide by. If I think, Where the hell do you think you’re going, idiot? the (b)-guy is in charge.

The (b)-guy isn’t satisfied just to keep him from passing. He accelerates gradually so the Civic driver on his right keeps thinking he can make it. The (b)-guy knows if he times it perfectly, not only will the Honda not be able to cut ahead, the car behind him will catch enough up keep it trapped behindPSX_20181223_083757 the truck. Points are accumulated for each minute the would be right-side-passer has Nowhere to Go. The question is, how long will the sensible (a)-guy let the (b)-guy keep it up. The record is five minutes. That’s because my friend, Gary, says if you miss your exit playing a road game, you are really crazy. Even my (b)-guy doesn’t want to be considered really crazy so he zips past the truck and bails when our exit comes up. Some day I’ll tell you about the (c)-guy. He’s really crazy.

Here We Go … Again

December 13, 2018

indexzThis week, during  podcast titled Winging It, Steph Currie asserted that he didn’t believe we had ever landed a man on the moon.   Of course, three other NBA players, Vince Carter, Kent Bazemore, and Andre Iguodala agreed with him.   As the biggest star of the group, Currie is getting the most attention for what the press is calling his mental air ball.   Given Kyrie Irving’s even more outlandish declaration the the earth is flat, I am wondering whether the NBA has ever produced an educated player.  Easy folks.  I’m just joking.  I was tempted toindex cite Bill Bradley as an educated NBA player, but given that he is white, and our country’s penchant for political correctness, I’d probably be called a racist.  So, instead, I’ll cite a post on Reddit, All-Time Nerd Squad: The Most Educated NBA Players  which offers a mixed race selection of NBA scholars.  Mr. Currie and Mr. Irving are not among them. (more…)

(Favorite) Friday Favorite

November 16, 2018

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I know I am getting old when my nostalgic Thursday morning consists of reading the nostalgic posts I wrote between 2010 and 2014 on this blog under the title Friday Favorites. Yes, I am nostalgic over my nostalgia. (That would be nostalgia^2) (engineering humor) (not funny). There are over 200 Friday Favorites posts, most of them looking back over seven decades of life to find favorite songs, favorite vacations, favorite events … favorite you name it. I also (re)discovered that I was getting old back then. When I accidentally searched for Friday Favorties (one of my Favorite typos, apparently) there were half a dozen posts so titled. Really. Yes, I are a writer.

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