Decades

It seems like only yesterday we were celebrating New Year’s Eve 2000, wondering if our computers were all going to crash because of the Y2K bug.    And here it is, 2010, and we’re trying to figure out what to name the decade, and creating Best of the Decade lists in every category imaginable, from the banal (try Ten Hotties of the Decade here), to the brutal (try the Ten Best MMA Fights, here) or the literary (try the Best Books of the Decade, here)     You can read about the Top Ten Political Events of the Decade from views so polarized (try here and here) that you’d think the authors were talking about different countries (or even different planets).    You can find Best Movie Lists, Best Song Lists, and even Best Technology Lists.   We seem obsessed with decades.   Of course, if we’d evolved as eight-fingered creatures (like, for example, Mickey Mouse) instead of ten-fingered we’d be making Best of the Octade lists.  But examining our lives over an extended period of time is a good thing, giving us the perspective to distinguish short term fluctuations from trends and ten years is as good a period as any.   After all, if I judged the last decade by the last year, it would be pretty bleak indeed.

At the beginning of the decade, I had just retired from a major defense company and started a consulting business with a long time colleague … we were looking for those first few jobs to get the company started and there seemed to be plenty of interest.   My wife and I lived in the same house we’d purchased shortly after coming to California twenty-nine years earlier.    My son was living on his own and my daughter came and went, still looking for her niche … without much success.    My father was living on his own, self-sufficient in the house I was raised in.    I was working on a novel and submitting short stories to various journals.   Instead of suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome, my wife and I seemed to thrive.   We were far from wealthy but my lump sum retirement seemed that it would grow enough to provide a comfortable if not extravagant retirement.

As the decade ends, the business we started is either in a lull or on it’s last legs, I’m not sure which.  We live in bigger house tucked in a beautiful neighborhood in the hills.    That probably tells you that the beginning of the decade was good to us.    My daughter is married with three children and I think of myself most often as a grandfather, not a father.    That’s tempered by the fact that my son is home again, looking for his niche … without much success.   He and I have the best relationship we’ve had in years but it’s not always easy.   My wife and I bought a small second home near my daughter’s family in Phoenix which tells you that the middle of the decade was better than good.   That house is now upside down, as they say in the real estate business.    My father is now in a nursing home, and for the most part, an amazing acceptance has settled over him though he still can be the Senior Curmudgeon on occasion.   My novel lies abandoned in a drawer and most of my writing ends up right here on Bud’s Blog.   There is no Empty Nest but my wife and I thrive anyway.    The economic downturn hit us fairly hard, making it necessary from me to work somewhat longer before I retire unless we want to (or need to) scale back our plans.  Hopefully, business will cooperate soon.   The losses of a friend, John, five years ago and my sister-in-law, Sandy, last year … both to cancer … have made me all too aware of how fragile life is.   A very scary trip to the emergency room when my wife had a pulmonary embolism last July only added to our feelings of mortality.   Most of the time I’ve been able to direct those feelings into an appreciation of what I have and a growing spirituality but life more often seems bittersweet than sweet.

My wife and I are friends with a couple, Don and Evie,  who are almost exactly ten years older than we are and we’ve seen their health … and their business … decline.     It doesn’t paint the prettiest picture of what our next decade will bring but they’re an inspiration.    It’s just life, Bud, he’ll say before launching into a description of something good in their lives.   He’s taught me the value of attitude and of looking at the positives in my life, even when things are difficult.     He’s taught me … by example … to accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can.   With his help … and some ongoing effort in attitude adjustment … I can say that much of the negative of the last decade has been just life, and that overall, it’s been a pretty good decade for us.    I know I’m fortunate to be able to say that.    God willing, I’ll be able to say the same after the next one.

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Tags: family, feeling older, grandchildren, gratitude, Life, sadness, spirituality

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