Getting Things Fixed

My blogging friend, Meleah, asked in her latest post, Would you ever consider cosmetic surgery?  I could get on my philosophical high horse and answer that We’re better off accepting who we are than changing how we look, but nobody likes me when I’m on that horse.  Well, maybe fans of my curmudgeon do.  The simple answer to Meleah’s question is, No, but simple answers don’t make for good posts, so I’ll expand.  From about seventh grade through high school, I regarded myself as fairly homely, mostly based on the fact girls weren’t interested in me.  It’s possible that girls weren’t interested because for most of that time I was 4′ 10″ tall and hadn’t a clue how to act with girls but at 13, who thinks of that?  Years later, I’d realize that girls did like me, just not the girls I wanted to like me but that’s another story for another post.  The bottom line is that looks were never something I saw as a strong point.  As I got older and realized I wasn’t exactly Quasimodo, I still viewed my appearance as interesting rather than handsome.    When your life proceeds just fine as interesting, you don’t mess with it.

But, OK, theoretically, what if I did decided to have cosmetic surgery on this interesting face of mine.  What would I change?  It would make sense, I suppose, to emulate the movie stars my wife has loved over the years … and for years, Muri has loved the baby blues of a certain deceased star, who coincidentally remained married to the same woman for life.  What do you think?

I’m not sure that another actor who’s up for Best Actor this year would make it to Muri’s Hottest Men list, but I know most of the ladies think he’s gorgeous (really?).  And he does have great hair that I’d be willing to borrow, even if I don’t think much of his acting.  Yes, I’m in the minority there, too, what a surprise.

I don’t know whether it was because I was in one of the first integrated fraternities at University of Connecticut or not, but Muri’s always had an eye for African American men, so I’m sure I can’t go wrong with the smile of this two time academy award winner.

Yes, the nose.  If there was one feature I’ve been kidded about the most, it’s the old schnozzola but it was really important to me to preserve the Reed family tradition slightly right-facing beaks (7.5°, to be exact).  This member of the Huff Post Hollywood’s Hottest Older Men club had just the proboscis I needed.  The ears?  No, they’re perfect.  So, meet the new Older Eyes.

Let me say this (about that, as Richard Nixon often said).  I really do think it’s better to accept your appearance than to mess with it except in cases of disfiguration but I also can understand that if a tuck here and a pull there makes you feel better about yourself, it’s probably worthwhile.  I won’t hold it against you (actually, Muri won’t let me hold it against you … rimshot, please).  Frequently, though, people spend a lot of money and I can’t even see the difference (think eyelid surgery … when’s the last time you said, Look at the eyelids on that chick … dude … whatever?).  Can you really feel like a man when you’ve had full body hair removal?  What’s next?  Pantyhose?   And I don’t understand the extremes that some people go to.   Is there anyone who’s not creeped out by Joan Rivers or Cher?  Yes, Kenny Rogers, too.  And why do women insist on starving themselves until they look like a refugee (which eliminates their breasts, which are about 80% fat) then having implants designed for Sophia Loren?  I don’t get it.

For anyone that’s interested, I think older women are beautiful.   Here is Older Eyes’ list Things That Make an Older Woman Sexy:

1.  She’s comfortable in her own skin.
2. She’s able to laugh at her imperfections.
3. She’s more attractive than she thinks she is (aka humility)
4. She wears her age with grace.
5. She dresses stylishly without trying to look 20.

None of this requires surgery.  However, you don’t have to look around much to know that not every old coot would agree.

Can you identify the source of all my facial upgrades?

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Tags: cosmetic surgery, curmudgeonly rants, feeling older, humor, Monday smiles, perspectives, self-acceptance

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