Terrorist Squirrels 2012

On Older Eyes – Bud’s Blog, Tuesday has been for two things … the Top Sites Tuesday Meme … and Curmudgeonly Rants.   I’m taking a few days off but I’ve posting a few old favorites.  This rant about some local rodents was first posted back in April of last year.

When you fill your yard with bird feeders, as I do, you are almost certain to attract other creatures.  In our yard, the bunnies sometimes join the quail picking through the seed dropped to the ground by the bluejays.  I don’t mind the bunnies.  I do mind the squirrels who climb the feeder poles to fill their cheeks several times a day.  There are an assortment of squirrel proof feeders available.  One type has a cage with openings too small for squirrels around the outside of the feeder.  I tried one of those and it worked on the squirrels … it also worked on the birds.  Not one would set foot inside the cage.  My brother has one that works by sensing the weight of a squirrel and starting to spin (using an electric motor).  I believe it’s called the Twirl-a-Squirrel.

The one I use is a little less high-tech.  When a squirrel climbs on it, his weight activates a spring that closes the feeding windows, but because some birds don’t seem to like this feeder, I still have one conventional (squirrel-accessible) feeder.   I’ve also been known to grease the feeder poles to make them harder to climb.   You should see the surprise on a squirrel’s face when he leaps with total abandon onto my greased pole and drops to the ground like a fireman.

The other day I looked out and saw a big fat rat climbing the pole.   I like squirrels except when they are raiding my feeders but rats are another story.  My son, who loves all animals, tells me that squirrels are rodents just like rats and I only like them because they have cuter tails.  I suppose he could be right … I like women more than men for the very same reason (I know, I know.  It was low-hanging fruit and I couldn’t resist).   But RAT just sounds nastier than SQUIRREL and rats certainly have a history to live down.  Yes, I know, these Anaheim Hills rats had nothing to do with the bubonic plague but I’m not sure I can forgive them as a species.  Anyway, there are sure to be rat-siblings and rat-cousins lurking in the underbrush.   One way to get rid of them would be to let our Siamese cat, Mr. P, out … he’s a fabulous hunter … but given the fauna of our hilly community, he’d possibly end up a coyote snack.  I guess I’ll just grease the poles again and search for other solutions in place like this and this.

A few weeks ago, as we were descending into San Lorenzo Seminary for my Men’s Retreat, a ground squirrel dashed under my wheels.  I hate the ka-flop-ka-flop of hitting an animal then seeing it reduced to road-kill in the rear view mirror, or worse, of it writhing around in pain, making me feel obliged to go back and finish the job.   I took endless crap about it from the guys all weekend.   It doesn’t take much to keep fifty men on retreat amused and picking on a compassionate, animal-loving brother made for great fun.  I was a good sport about it but I was dying inside ;).  Monday, as my wife and I were headed down the hill from our house, another squirrel tried the same stunt.  I jerked the wheel, managing to avoid him but I swear, as I looked back to be sure he was OK, he was giving me the finger with his tiny gray paw.   This morning as I was leaving the park, I just missed another one.   I’m beginning to wonder, is there a rodent conspiracy?    Are these Terrorist Squirrels sent to make me pay emotionally for my anti-rodent attitudes?

Is a bomb carrying rat next? Let me tell you this: when it comes to rodents, I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

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5 Comments on “Terrorist Squirrels 2012”

  1. squirrels are militant! and organized. and I hate them!

  2. Cheryl P. Says:

    I tend to be one of those “love all animal types”. I don’t want to see any of them hurt. As for rats and their ugly little step brethren, mice) I wish them no harm but they need never EVER come near me. They scare me to death.

    All creatures great and small, if they have any sense at all, would know better than to get in front of me when I am driving.

  3. liggybee Says:

    Oh my…I really dislike the squirrels that have managed to manipulate the supposedly squirrel-proof bird feeder I got. They not only learned to hang over the part of the feeder that does not get affected by their weight, but they also raided all the pears on my pear trees. I have not been able to enjoy any fruits from my yard because of the squirrels!!! I will find a way to outsmart them next spring…

  4. Trina Says:

    We don’t have any squirrels on the farm, but one of our customers has tons of them. Every year I have to refinish all his patio furniture because the lovely squirrels chew on the edges of the table and the chairs. We aren’t sure why they do it.. maybe lack of aluminum in their diet or maybe sharpening their teeth… but it’s awful. He even tried getting a pellet gun to scare them off (non lethally) but we’re convinced they thought it was a game and brought their friends to play. I will have to tell him about greasing the bird feeder poles, I’m sure he’ll get a kick out of that!


  5. Derek Zenith Says:

    In South America they have rodents bigger than your cat.

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